Friday, December 25, 2009

Update on Crossfit

I mentioned in an earlier post here that I was thinking about starting up at a Crossfit gym. Well, I went ahead and made that move about 4 weeks ago and the verdict so far is that it is really, really awesome. It's changing the way I work out completely. Right now, I'm going twice a week and paying the rate they have for that. Then I'm going to my regular gym on other days and using a lot of what I've learned to make my workouts that much more effective.

My plan for the new year is to up my membership to unlimited, which means I can go as many times per week as I like, which for me will be 4-5 days. That's actually a $200/mo commitment, but my feeling right now is that it will be totally worth it. I never worked out like this when I was in the Marine Corps. In fact, the big thing that boot camp did for me back then was it just took off a bunch of weight. Yeah, my overall fitness level was better back then, but youth helps a lot too. If we had worked out like this in boot camp, guys would have been a lot better off. Instead, what happens is guys lose a bunch of weight in boot camp through restricted diet, running, marching all day, and all the other training we do, then gain half or more of it back within a few months. I was at about 160 lbs when I finished boot camp, but for most of the rest of my 4 years, I stayed right around 190. Then I got out and ballooned up to about 215 within a year or so, and onward and upwards from there. My height is 6'1".

One thing I wish is that I could find the time to do a Step Aerobics class once or twice a week, along with the Crossfit. The problem is there just aren't enough hours in the day/week for that. Step really is pretty awesome. As I've said before, I don't know why more guys don't do it. What I might do is dedicate January to doing Crossfit 4-5 days/week and then move back down to twice a week in February and try to get some stepping in. Have to think about that.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Stuff I want to write more about

I think the time has come to make this blog a little less self-referential and maybe, just maybe, a little bit less of a self-indulgent pity party. I think this will make it more interesting and hopefully draw more readers, thereby leading to actual conversations and dialogue, which will hopefully give me some relevance, which will lead to even more conversations and dialogue, which will bring even more relevance, etc. I think you see where I'm going with this.

In this spirit, here are a couple of closely related subjects I would like to write more about:

Attraction - i.e. what is it that women are really attracted to in a man? Some of my sources for this subject include the work done by Lovesystems and published in their e-book Magic Bullets (which of course is derived from Mystery Method). Lovesystems, of course, used to be called The Mystery Method Corporation, until Mystery left to become part of Venusian Arts. David Deida's Way of the Superior Man is another good source. I will very likely reference some Roissy posts as well. Also, there is a frequent commenter at Roissy that goes by aliasclio. She made some comments the other day that really stuck with me.

Clio has her own blog here.

The Roissy post that she was commenting on is here.

Realistic Dating Strategy
- this is a subject I started mulling over a number of months ago. The basic premise here is that when you think about it in terms of long-term outcomes, the Community really doesn't serve the needs of most of the guys that seek it out. There are all sorts of reasons for this, which I plan to go into more detail about, but the bottom line is that most guys simply aren't going to become true Players. By itself, that's fine. In fact, if you talk to most guys, they'll probably tell you that isn't their goal anyway. But, the way the Community is set up, the marketing, hype, and mentality really pushes the idea that this is what the goal is. So, the question I'm trying to answer is this: short of completely dedicating himself for months, or even years, to becoming this great player, a master seducer of women, what is a realistic strategy that would help the average guy improve his social life and his prospects with women? I DO think that learning some Game is an important part of this effort. But, I think there's a lot to be said for spending more time on other stuff. Some guys, for instance, really need to develop their conversational skills. I think that's a big one - having the ability to talk to and truly engage almost anyone.

I'm really, really interested in feedback on these ideas.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Day Game

Went out day gaming today in downtown Seattle. My new wing, S, really seems to think that all I need to do is go direct. He's really firm about that. But right now, doing a direct approach on the street, with no pretext, is still really, really hard. However, I did manage some bookstore approaches and, if I'd been a little more ballsy and aggressive at the right time, I know I could have made them hook. I know, that sounds lame, and it is.

The interesting thing that happened was that I totally entranced a salesgirl without even really trying. She wasn't really hot, but she was fuckable. I would call her a fuckable 5.5. On my scale, a 6 is an above average, cute girl, so 5.5 isn't really that bad.

Anyway, I had made a few approaches already and was just kind of browsing when the salesgirl came up to ask me if I needed any help. We started talking and, as it turned out, she knew nothing about the section of books I was browsing, so I opened up and started telling her about some of the books there, explaining in one case how the ideas brought up by one author were the subject of a book by a different author. I also pointed out a couple of books that would be good gifts, since holidays are just around the corner. Then I got to talking about the publishing industry, the impact of the Kindle on the book business, and how I thought Amazon was starting to act kind of evil and monopolistic, especially with regards to the newspaper industry. This, of course, led to my thoughts on the problems the newspaper industry is having with declining ad revenue and what the implications of that are for the news media in general. It's amazing what happens when you have a pretext for talking about stuff you know a lot about.

To be fair, she could have just been listening to me to be polite. But, my gut instinct is that wasn't what was happening, mostly because of the way she was staring at me. Also, right at the end, her boyfriend/husband came in the store and motioned for her to come (he was obviously there to pick her up) and it was like he woke her up from a trance. She was kind of startled and said something like "oh gosh, I guess I need to go clock out." She literally sounded stunned.

So, from a game perspective, what seems to have happened here is that I generated very strong attraction by massively DHV'ing myself and hitting a number of attraction switches. I went into her world (the book industry) and showed that I know a lot about it, probably more than most of her peers and supervisors. That's a DHV right there. Then I started telling her about some of the books in that section, which is more DHV but also displays dominance (teacher/student). Then I started picking up different, related threads, demonstrating intelligence and knowledge. I was also well-dressed,groomed, etc.

Now, assuming that I wanted to turn this interaction into a number, what I needed to do was qualify her and give her a reason to believe that there were some things about her (other than her vagina) that I found attractive. In other words, after massively DHV'ing myself, I had to find a way to bring her up closer to my level.

So, the first lesson learned here is find a pretext, any pretext, to start blabbing about shit I know a lot about.

The second lesson is to qualify, qualify, qualify. Then, when I'm done with that, I need to qualify some more. In fact, the beauty of qualification is that it should help me find some pretext, whatever it is, to start blabbing about stuff I know a lot about.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Speed Dating Sucks

I went to this speed dating charity fundraiser last night. I've done speed dating a couple of times before, mostly because I was curious about it. This time I went because a friend of mine was organizing it and he was short of guys.

Anyway, it sucked. That's what I'm getting to here. It would have been better if I could have lied about my age, but that wasn't in the cards since my friend obviously knows how old I am. Since I got stuck in the older group, some of the women I talked to were really, really older than me - I'm talking women that looked like they were in their mid-50's. Keep in mind that I am a very young looking 39. My dating strategy is go younger, not older. And it wasn't just that they were old, but some of these women were just absolutely hideous warpigs. In fact, even in the younger group I didn't see many women that were very good looking - maybe a handful.

Next time he does this, if he wants me to go, I am going to insist that he at least put me in the younger group.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Weekend In Review

I changed things up a bit this week. Went out on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday with my regular wing, M, and a new guy in town, S, that is probably more advanced than most guys in Seattle right now. On Saturday, a couple other new guys joined us that I have a pretty good feeling about. I really hope that this group of guys can turn into a solid group that goes out together regularly. The new guys are REALLY inexperienced, but at the same time they seem pretty serious. But even if the new guys don't work out, it looks like S will, which is awesome.

Towards the end of the night on Thursday, I talked with M and S wrt my frustrations about how useless it is to go out with the big group from the previous week. My basic point was that nobody is really improving in that sort of situation, partly because the group is just too damn big, but also because, like I said before, it's the blind leading the blind - none of those guys are going out with any kind of a plan. So, we agreed to start meeting earlier in the night and to start reviewing our plan before we head out.

Incidentally, I've started calling that big group of guys the super squad, which I think is hilarious. On the forum, I didn't even have to explain it. Everyone knew immediately who I was talking about. Last night, I even turned it into an opener, asking a couple groups in Amber, "hey, have you guys seen the super squad?" Of course, they didn't have any idea who or what I was talking about, but I amused myself, which was sort of the point.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

The blind leading the blind

Went out last Saturday with some of the local community guys. It's becoming more and more clear to me that this sort of an outing is simply an exercise in the blind leading the blind. None of these guys really have any clue what they're doing. They don't know what they want to open with, how to transition, how to build attraction, establish comfort, etc. I don't think any of them really understand how to escalate. I believe I mentioned in a previous post that there are just a handful of guys connected to the Seattle Lair that have any real game. Yeah, none of those guys were out with us on Saturday.

Seriously, what exactly is the point of a bunch of dudes with sub-par social skills all going out together?

Which isn't to say that I'm any better, because I'm not. But, it's clear to me that I'm not going to get any better just going out with these guys and hanging out. This is reinforcing to me my conviction that I need to do an RSD bootcamp, and the sooner I can get that done the better off I'll be.

In the meantime, I can work on tightening up my game. When I first started this stuff last spring, I was going out with a plan. I knew what I wanted to open and transition with and I had some ideas at least about building attraction. But then that shit all got lost somewhere in the following few months. This doesn't mean I want to become robo-pua, spitting out attraction routines like some kind of social robot, but I do want to make sure I'm going out at night with a basic idea of how to open, transition, build attraction, etc. so that I can start building up some positive reference experiences.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Two Questions About Calling Chicks

Question #1 - I got this girl's phone number a few months ago and never called. I did text her once, but I got discouraged when she didn't respond. So I didn't call. Since then, I've learned that this is extremely common, especially with the more social type of female that has lots going on, which is exactly what this girl is. I know this because I have since found out that we have some mutual acquaintances and because I'm a crazy online stalker. The good part about knowing some people in common is that I'm more likely to run into her again.

So, the question is this, am I better off calling her cold, after several months, or should I wait for a more opportune time to "casually" run into her via our common social connections? I'm leaning towards giving her a call. I really, really regret not pursuing this girl harder.

Question #2 - Is it better to leave a voice mail or not? I've heard all kinds of conflicting advice on this. I'm mostly referring to situations where you've gotten the number (via a cold approach or whatever) but you still don't know her very well.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

RSD Bootcamp

I'm one step closer to signing up for a Real Social Dynamics (RSD) bootcamp. If you aren't familiar with RSD, they are famous in the Community for rejecting the more common Solid Game approach (i.e. various methods derived from Mystery Method) in favor of what they call Natural Game. Basically, what it comes down to is that they really, really focus on inner game issues, getting you loose and unstifled, bringing energy and fun, and pushing hardcore aggressiveness and sexual escalation.

They're also known for being somewhat cult-like. RSD guys can be a little fanatical. At this point, I'm less worried about that.

I just finished looking at the money side of things and if I do it in San Francisco, I think I can do the whole trip for about $2,300. The normal cost of an RSD bootcamp is $2000, but if you take it in SF or Austin, it's only $1500. I imagine that's because the instructors are based in those cities, which keeps them from having to pay travel expenses. So, if they were doing it here in Seattle, it would be $2000, not a huge difference really.

San Francisco is ideal for several reasons. First off, it's a cool city and someplace I think I might want to live someday. Secondly, it's a quick plane ride, so I can leave Seattle Friday morning and be settled in my hotel by early afternoon. These things usually start off in the early evening, so that should work fine. At the same time, I can catch a late flight out Sunday night, which saves me from having to pay for a hotel that night. If I were to go to Austin instead, I would have to plan for additional travel time, which would make the whole thing that much more expensive. But, the number one reason to take it in SF is because the instructor will be Jeffy, aka Jlaix, one of the most well-known and known to be legit PUAs in the Community. He also has a reputation as one of the best teachers, which is super-important to me.

There's a very good chance I'll book the whole thing tomorrow. I have a few logistical questions that I need answered first, such as when I need to be there on that Friday and when I should plan to fly out Sunday night. Part of what makes it affordable is limiting my stay to Friday and Saturday nights. I'll be exhausted when I get home, but it will be worth it I think.

Some reasons to move forward with this:

Self-knowledge/progress report

After six months or so in The Game, I am basically stuck. I've made some minor progress, become a lot more open than I was a year ago, but I'm not getting laid. Most nights I can approach, but there are some nights where I feel completely stuck in my head. I've mentioned before that I don't feel like I'm a very fun person. Interesting yes, but not especially "fun", per se. In this way, I am actually extremely male - logical, intensely analytical, etc. Even if this is all in my head, it's a HUGE problem for me, especially when it comes to Night Game, because that attitude colors all of my interactions.

Last Saturday Night

I was out with a bunch of local Community guys on Saturday night and couldn't do anything. I wasn't especially anxious or anything, just stuck. It's kind of hard to explain. I wanted to approach, but in the back of my head all I can think is that it's completely useless. At the same time, I watched this other guy in the group just go completely direct and sexual with the hottest girl in the club (one of the hottest girls I've seen in a while) and have her basically eating out of his hand. I would be shocked if he didn't fuck her later that night.

The thing about this guy is that he is very anti-method. I know him well enough to know that he's basically taught himself to go completely natural and do what he wants to do whenever he wants to do it. He's somehow managed to free himself from all of his social conditioning. This is very RSD-ish.

Personal Recommendation

A friend of mine took Jeffy's bootcamp in SF a few weeks ago and emerged with his game at a whole new level. This guy knows me. He moved to a different city a few months ago, but we've kept in touch and he knows what my issues are. He agreed that this is the best thing for me to do.

Some Other Thoughts:

I've basically come to the conclusion that the pure Solid Game approach isn't going to work for me right now. At this point, when I go out I am too stuck in my head - and that's even on my best nights. I also HATE having to drink when I go out. I don't drink a lot, but three drinks seems to be what it takes to get me to loosen up. I HATE that!

I think I may actually have kind of a dominant personality. It comes out sometimes at work when I go into "command" mode, usually in crisis situations. My voice and tonality, and body language all change. Really, everything about me changes.  If true, this would obviously help me out considerably. But, I have to do something to bring it out in the social environment. There's at least a chance RSD can do this for me. I'm looking for an experience that will literally shake my reality and put me in a different place.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Facebook Pictures

I saw some pictures of myself earlier tonight that kind of depressed me. The pictures are from an event I went to over the weekend and they got posted on facebook. It isn't that I think I'm bad looking or too heavy in these pictures, but more that I just look like I'm not happy. Every shot I'm in, I simply don't look like I want to be there. This is something I need to change. Even if I'm bored or whatever, I need to learn how to fake it better.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Tips for Improved Posture

Tenmagnet, one of the instructors at Lovesystems, posted this back in July on his blog: Six Tips for an Improved Attractive Posture.

When I think of men (and women) that I've met over the years that impress me, they've always had good posture. I suspect women are even more sensitive to it. Your posture is part of that instant first impression that people have of you.

I've been keenly aware of my bad posture for some time now. The upper cross syndrome that he describes is exactly what I'm dealing with. While I have made some real progress on my other fitness goals, I haven't done shit to fix this particular issue.

That is changing as of now. If I apply myself consistently and do a few of these exercises every day, I should see a difference in a month or so.

This is important for other areas of my life besides picking up women. Last week, the company I started working at 2 months ago laid off ten people. If THE MAJOR DEAL that they are counting on doesn't come through in the next three weeks, I'll be gone as well. In fact, half the company is likely to get laid off. So, I want to be ready to interview again, and part of that is making sure that I convey a strong, powerful, confident physical presence, rather than a weak one, which is what I have now.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Daytime Cold Approaches

Yesterday, I mustered up the courage to cold approach a woman on the street. I had left the office for a few minutes to grab a sandwich and, while waiting in line, I saw a woman that, for me, is very close to a 9 - really, really my type. And so, while I was waiting there, I resolved to at least approach her, which I did.

Now, I HAVE approached in the daytime before. I don't find it horribly difficult if I can come up with some sort of pretense, or somehow figure out a way to make it seem natural that I'm talking to her. Last week, for instance, I got on the elevator with a woman that works on the same floor as me, made idle chit chat on the way down and then wound up walking with her and chatting for a couple of blocks. Right at the end I noticed that she had a great big rock on her finger, so I didn't go for the number, but it was a solid interaction. I could tell I was generating attraction from her. It worked. It was seamless and natural without any awkwardness.

In this situation, I had no pretense to talk to the target, or at least I couldn't think of anything. So, I went direct with something like this: "Hi, I just saw you standing in line back there and wanted to meet you. My name is Rake" She looked surprised but then she gave me her name, and then I asked if I could walk with her for a bit, which she was fine with. So we walked for a bit, but the problem was I couldn't think of anything to say after that. With that kind of direct approach, it's not like I'm going to run some sort of routine on her. She pretty quickly threw out that she was engaged and that was pretty much that.

The one part that went well was that I could tell she was surprised and (I believe) pleased to be approached like that. Actually, to be perfectly honest, the look on her face was complete shock, which, since this is a very hot girl, is actually somewhat surprising in itself. I would think she's getting approached regularly.

I think there's a lot of potential in this approach. I just need to figure out a way to transition from the initial awkwardness of the approach and into some sort of normal conversation. Also, I need to do this a few more times just to get used to it. I think that alone will help.

Laptops and Coffee Shops

Master Dogen at Alpha Status made a good point about laptops the other day, calling them Beta Machines. He's so right.

Seattle is well known for its love of coffee and coffee shops. Starbucks started here. My normal haunt, Cafe Allegro, was one of Starbucks' very first customers back in the '70's. Aside from the ubiquitous Starbucks, there are also a number of independent coffee houses and small chains that do very well. As I'm typing this up, I'm sitting in Cafe Zoka, in the Greenlake area. I don't typically come here, but I felt like a change.

For anyone curious about the coffee shop culture here in Seattle, here is a picture:

This is so typical Seattle. Very friendly city we got here.

Note: I'm just as bad as the rest. 

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Thoughts on being more dominant/Alpha

FeministX has an interesting, somewhat whiny post up right now about her issues with two guys, one she's seeing and one she just met online. I don't want to go into too much detail here, but her issue with the online guy is that he is supposedly an "extreme Alpha", which she is incapable of resisting. A number of thoughts are going through my head at this - at the idea that she is so attracted that she literally can't trust herself to act rationally. For instance, I'm wondering what it is this guy wrote or said that got her going to this extent. I'm also wondering, if we assume that most women are attracted to male dominance to some extent, what percent of them are truly like her, complete putty in the hands of an Alpha? 1 in 10? 1 in 5? 

But, more importantly, it's really hitting home to me that I need to ramp up the male dominance aspect of my personality - I need to become much more indifferent and less caring of what other people think - maybe a bit more assholeish. This is a problem for me because I'm very much a nice guy. To the extent that I have any game at all, what I tend to play up is that I am mature and socially normal. I'm also very high IQ. I've never been tested (that I know about), but I know I'm smart.

These are attractive qualities. Emotional maturity is very masculine - very much on the male side of the male/female polarity spectrum. Smart is attractive as well - women like guys that are smarter than them. These things come out in conversation and I think they are enough to keep me from disqualifying myself, but not enough to really generate attraction. I suspect dominance is the missing ingredient - dominance and fun.

I've said before, here and elsewhere, that I don't feel like I'm a very fun person. In some ways, it's almost like I don't know how to have fun. I think my problem with not being assertive, male dominant, etc., is basically the same root issue as not being fun. The root issue, I think, is the social conditioning - that I care too much what people think, which keeps me from cutting loose and just doing what I want when I want.

Is it possible, I wonder, to become more dominant, more selfish and indifferent, and less caring of what other people think, without becoming an out and out asshole? I think that's ultimately what I'm going for. I think you can be indifferent, selfish about your own needs, etc., and still have empathy and care about other people.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Thoughts on Exercise and Weight Loss

Lovely Sexy Beauty had kind of an interesting post on her plans to drop 10 or so pounds. I've struggled with weight issues since getting out of the Marine Corps 16 years ago. In fact, that first year back in the civilian world  I think I gained 15 to 20 pounds. It was rough. 

Last spring, I came to the conclusion that I was basically wasting my time in the gym. Yes, it was good that I was going and getting regular exercise, but at the end of the day, my self-directed workouts were inconsistent and brutally inneffective in helping me drop weight and make progress towards a higher level of fitness and an improved body. So, I started changing things up and slowly escalating my workout.  I'm 39 and overweight, so I wanted to make sure I didn't try too much at once, but the major trend was that I moved away from doing my own thing and towards structured exercise classes.

In April and May, I started taking a class that Bally's calls Powerflex, which is basically weight training with lighter weights and an emphasis on lower body (squats, lunges) and core work. I started doing this and Spinning twice a week and began to notice a difference.

In June, I tried (and liked) a bootcamp workout, which, as I understand it, is somewhat based on CrossFit principles. I found the workout extremely effective. Unfortunately, when I moved back into the ranks of the employed in July, I had to give that up due to scheduling conflicts. But, also in July, I started doing Step Aerobics for the first time, which I found I really enjoyed. I don't why more guys don't do Step.

So, what I do now is a combination of Step Aerobics, Spinning, and Powerflex. This combination has been very effective. From June through August, I dropped about 15 pounds.

Unfortunately, about three weeks ago I strained a calf muscle or something, so since then I've had to really take it easy.  I'm kind of easing myself back into it now, with the idea that by October I should be back to where I was before the injury. The injury is pretty minor, but I figured out how easy it was to reaggravate when I did one step class a week or so ago. This is part of the problem with being 39 and overweight. Next week, I'm hoping to be able to do both Powerflex and Spinning, but I'm staying off the step for at least another week, and probably two.

Tomorrow I'm looking into a shared housing situation down in Greenlake, which is one of the more desirable areas to live in Seattle. Assuming all goes well, I'll move in probably the first or second week of October. I'm pretty certain about this place because I looked at this house last year with one of the guys that lives there right now. But, then I had to back out and so he found someone else. Anyway, I found out via Facebook that they have an opening, so I jumped right on it.

Assuming this does work out, I'm very likely to look for a CrossFit gym in Seattle at some point in the next few months. I'm not sure if I want to do the hardcore CrossFit workouts right away, but I think a lot of them do offer classes like the indoor bootcamp that I did before. My brief experience with the bootcamp workout showed me how effective this can be. I'm also likely to purchase an LA Fitness membership, as Bally's no longer has a facility inside Seattle.

Incidentally, I first got interested in CrossFit back in June, when I found this article in The Seattle Times.

Given that September has been basically a wash, my weight loss goal is now is to drop another 10 - 12 pounds by Christmas. I think that's very doable. Looking farther out, an additional 20 pounds by June seems achievable as well - that would only be 4 lbs/month from January to May.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

If anyone is actually reading...

So far, my stats and comment numbers indicate just a few people are visiting. For those wonderful readers, let me just say that it WILL get better. I'm still figuring this blogging stuff out. Thanks.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Where are the young women in Seattle?

Went for another little walk earlier this afternoon. Now I'm wondering about the demographic breakdown of Seattle by age. Like, what is the actual population of women in Seattle under say, the age of 35? And, how does that compare to men, under say, 45? Even walking over by Nordstrom and Pacific Place, I just did not see many young women. Seattle sucks.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Took a little walk

Took a little walk through downtown Seattle earlier today. Nice weather today, probably one of the last nice days we'll have this year. Briefly chatted up a couple of people, including a moderately atttractive woman in her 30's that seemed pleased to be talked to, but didn't hook. Now I just need to do that 999 more times. :)

It strikes me, walking through downtown, just how little attention the average woman in Seattle pays to her appearance. I walked about 7 blocks and saw just a couple of decent (not exceptional) looking women. I saw one girl at the bank that I thought, okay if she dropped 5-10 pounds, toned up just a bit, and put on a little makeup, she'd probably be pretty hot - I could see her in a club. She still wouldn't be exceptional, maybe a 7 or 7.5, but that would be a serious upgrade from where she is now, which is maybe a 6. And the thing is, most girls don't need to be super hot to get guys to like them - they just need to be "attractive enough" and have good personalities to back it up.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Beauty from Belarus

I met a beautiful young woman from Belarus a couple of weeks ago. This was in the coffee shop I hang out at. Now, I don't know this girl really well, but she is very attractive physically and seems to have a very upbeat personality. She's at UW for a year working towards a graduate degree. In many ways, this girl typifies my ideal type - smart, sexy, worldly, sophisticated. Did I mention she speaks four languages? She's also 26, which is awesome. I doubt she thinks I'm older than 33.

I friended her on Facebook, which honestly is close to meaningless these days. But, I also have her email address and phone number. I've told her I would like to get to know her better and have suggested we go out one night. I tried to make that happen last weekend, but she didn't answer when I called her earlier in the week. Then I emailed her on Saturday and got a reply back saying she's unbelievably busy in school, which I can believe. I'm going to keep trying.

I'm not running any kind of game on her. I'm basically trying to keep it simple by telling her I like her and that I think she's interesting. If she likes me, we'll go out. If not, we won't. It would be helpful if I could manage to have her see me interacting with other people, especially women, so I'm keeping an eye out for that kind of opportunity.

Saturday Night 9/12/09

Kind of an interesting Saturday night. Went out with the wing to Bal-Mar, a popular bar in Ballard. Bal-Mar is rapidly becoming one of my favorite venues in the Seattle area. It's basically a slightly upscale neighborhood bar. It has two levels, which I think helps make it a little more interesting architecturally. In terms of ambience, the interior decor strikes the perfect balance between upscale and casual - in other words, it's nice but also comfortable. Lots of dark, earthy tones. Drinks are just as expensive as anywhere else, but then again I'm not drinking very much when I'm out so that isn't really a big deal.

The interesting point of the night occurred when I approached a seated 3-set of very attractive girls and they basically toyed with me. I can't say they were being total bitches, because I made it extremely easy for them. But, it occurs to me now that I need to have some sharp replies ready to say to girls when they do this kind of thing. I'm not saying I need to BE an asshole, but in situations like this I need some sort of prepared rejoinder to recover the set. Allow me to explain.

First off, I didn't follow the 3-second rule. I should have approached and done some kind of pre-opener the instant we entered the venue. The girls were RIGHT THERE near the entrance, so approaching them on entering the bar would have been the natural, socially normal thing to do. Instead, I did the typical Seattle thing, which is to stay in my own headspace and walk past them to the bar. Not a big deal in itself, but what occurs to me is that when you approach later, even if you do it right, you are obviously "approaching". They know you walked right past them the first time. In my case, I'm tall and reasonably good looking, so it's close to impossible for them not to have noticed me. So yeah, they knew I was there, and when I screwed up the approach I just made it that much worse.

The way I screwed this up, specifically, was I approached and ASKED "can I talk to you guys for a few minutes?" I knew I'd fucked up the instant the words came out of my mouth. I mean, why would any self-respecting male ASK? How beta is that? So, of course, they said no, it was girls night out blah, blah, blah. They were smiling and kind of laughing while saying it. I'm sure I could have recovered the set, but I had nothing - nowhere to go.

My thinking is that, in this type of situation, I need some kind of a sharp reply, probably borderline assholeish, to put them in their place. This would have to be more than a neg. A neg is merely a verbal indicator of disinterest (IOD), typically in the form of light teasing. No, in this situation, where I fucked up ON THE APPROACH, if I want to try and recover the set, I need something harsher that asserts my male dominance, puts them in their place, and basically reframes the interaction to one in which they are seeking MY approval. The operating assumption here is that if they don't respect you, they can't be attracted to you. It really is that simple, especially with hot girls.

Now, to be clear, I'm not advocating out and out asshole game. It's just that, in this situation, I don't see how else to recover the set. Sure, it's probably a lost cause anyway, but if I want to try and keep plowing, then minimally I have to find some way to gain their respect. Of course, I could also try not fucking up the approach. That's a decent idea in itself.

Another thought, I need to start thinking of hot, young women in bars and clubs as little girls, because that's really what they are. They're just little girls out being bad, flirting with boys, and giggling with their girlfriends.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Picking up the blog again

Trying to pick up this blog again. I've been working on this self-improvement project for close to a year now, and I have seen some changes. I started a new job in July and I don't think I would have fit in as well as I have had I not been consciously working on my social skills and inner confidence for all this time, especially the period Mar - July when I was unemployed. I'm a lot more open than I was a year ago. I am actually meeting women now. I still don't know how to escalate those interactions (more on that later), but I am actually getting out there.