Monday, September 14, 2009

Saturday Night 9/12/09

Kind of an interesting Saturday night. Went out with the wing to Bal-Mar, a popular bar in Ballard. Bal-Mar is rapidly becoming one of my favorite venues in the Seattle area. It's basically a slightly upscale neighborhood bar. It has two levels, which I think helps make it a little more interesting architecturally. In terms of ambience, the interior decor strikes the perfect balance between upscale and casual - in other words, it's nice but also comfortable. Lots of dark, earthy tones. Drinks are just as expensive as anywhere else, but then again I'm not drinking very much when I'm out so that isn't really a big deal.

The interesting point of the night occurred when I approached a seated 3-set of very attractive girls and they basically toyed with me. I can't say they were being total bitches, because I made it extremely easy for them. But, it occurs to me now that I need to have some sharp replies ready to say to girls when they do this kind of thing. I'm not saying I need to BE an asshole, but in situations like this I need some sort of prepared rejoinder to recover the set. Allow me to explain.

First off, I didn't follow the 3-second rule. I should have approached and done some kind of pre-opener the instant we entered the venue. The girls were RIGHT THERE near the entrance, so approaching them on entering the bar would have been the natural, socially normal thing to do. Instead, I did the typical Seattle thing, which is to stay in my own headspace and walk past them to the bar. Not a big deal in itself, but what occurs to me is that when you approach later, even if you do it right, you are obviously "approaching". They know you walked right past them the first time. In my case, I'm tall and reasonably good looking, so it's close to impossible for them not to have noticed me. So yeah, they knew I was there, and when I screwed up the approach I just made it that much worse.

The way I screwed this up, specifically, was I approached and ASKED "can I talk to you guys for a few minutes?" I knew I'd fucked up the instant the words came out of my mouth. I mean, why would any self-respecting male ASK? How beta is that? So, of course, they said no, it was girls night out blah, blah, blah. They were smiling and kind of laughing while saying it. I'm sure I could have recovered the set, but I had nothing - nowhere to go.

My thinking is that, in this type of situation, I need some kind of a sharp reply, probably borderline assholeish, to put them in their place. This would have to be more than a neg. A neg is merely a verbal indicator of disinterest (IOD), typically in the form of light teasing. No, in this situation, where I fucked up ON THE APPROACH, if I want to try and recover the set, I need something harsher that asserts my male dominance, puts them in their place, and basically reframes the interaction to one in which they are seeking MY approval. The operating assumption here is that if they don't respect you, they can't be attracted to you. It really is that simple, especially with hot girls.

Now, to be clear, I'm not advocating out and out asshole game. It's just that, in this situation, I don't see how else to recover the set. Sure, it's probably a lost cause anyway, but if I want to try and keep plowing, then minimally I have to find some way to gain their respect. Of course, I could also try not fucking up the approach. That's a decent idea in itself.

Another thought, I need to start thinking of hot, young women in bars and clubs as little girls, because that's really what they are. They're just little girls out being bad, flirting with boys, and giggling with their girlfriends.

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