Saturday, March 20, 2010

Night Game Fatigue

I'm getting really tired of trolling the bars and clubs every Friday and Saturday night. It isn't fun. It's really just become something I do because I feel like I need to do it.

This has me thinking about Day Game again. I've gone back and forth on this issue in the last few months, but logically, it seems like Day Game almost has to be the answer for me. I'm just not sure how to get myself started with it. I've tried before, but it never sticks. I'll go out once and that'll be it. Night Game, for what it's worth, is more or less within my comfort zone. I suck at it, but I don't have major issues approaching in that environment. Yes, I still put the pussy on a pedestal, but that pedestal isn't quite as high as it used to be.

But, as I said, wandering aimlessly from one bar to the next just isn't any fun at all. Even though I'm reasonably comfortable in Night Game environments, it just feels like a strange thing to be doing. It feels dysfunctional to be going out like this instead of just going out to have a good time like normal people do. I feel like I should have better options.

So, if I can get myself started with Day Game, maybe that's what my next few posts will be about.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Limiting Beliefs

I'm 99% certain that my own limiting beliefs are what is holding me back in both my personal life and my professional life. Despite everything I've done over the last year to change things up - improv classes, salsa classes, crossfit, learning game and improving my social skills - the enemy is still me. I see him every day in the mirror.

In the last year, I've gone from paying zero attention to fashion and grooming to being legitimately well-dressed and having a good haircut. I'm down 20 pounds from a year ago. I have a whole new circle of friends. In the last year, I've approached a lot of women - certainly more than I ever had in my life before this. I'm still not very successful out there, but I've at least figured out that when I approach a woman, I very often get a positive response. My living situation, while not ideal, is much improved. I have a short commute to work. Despite all of these tangible improvements, I still walk through life unsure of myself. Much like when I was a kid, I rarely feel like I belong anywhere. When I enter a set, it never feels right - I feel like I don't belong. When I'm trying to run a meeting at work, I often feel like an impostor, and it shows. 

Where does this come from?  How do I get rid of it?

The few times in my life where I've truly felt comfortable in where I am and what I'm doing have always been heavily situational. School was always one of those venues. Certain jobs where I really, really knew my shit were some others. Basically, any area where, for whatever reason, I can feel confident in my knowledge and expertise is an area where I'm going to do pretty well. The social arena is never that way. Part of me simply doesn't trust people. The only people I'm truly at ease with are my parents and my sister and some few extended family members. Even with my very best friends, there's always been a part of me that stayed on guard.

I will say this, while all of the above is true, I think I am considerably more confident than I was a year and a half ago. I'm also happier than I was back then. There is no question about either of these. The work I've done on myself has paid off to some extent. I would not want to go back to where I was two years ago, and the person I was three years ago - well, I'm not sure who that guy was. So not all is lost. Progress has been made. But I still have a lot of work to do.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

I Have High Standards

I have high standards for what I want in a woman. There's a certain type I'm attracted to. Beautiful, yes, I like beautiful women, but it's more than that. I want charm and style and class. That's what I'm attracted to. I came close to that a couple years ago, but it didn't work out. That's one reason I'm plugging away at this stuff. I want to be with quality women.
The other night I was at this party. It was a pretty big event - couple hundred people. There were a lot of girls there. My friend pointed out one girl to me that he said was down to fuck that night. She was decent looking, but I wasn't really attracted. Should I have pursued this? I don't know. I think that, minimally, I have to find something in the girl that is attractive to me before I can really pursue it. Otherwise, it's just not going to work.

Roosh says here that you should never pass on the sure thing:

8. You will go home empty-handed if you pass on the sure thing.
If one night you have both a sure thing and a “maybe” with another girl, always go for the sure thing. It’s never happened in the history of the world that a man got something after skipping on the sure thing, party because the mere act of skipping on the sure thing for some other girl means you’re overvaluing the better girl. Bad game will leak out as a result.
Don’t worry, they’ll another be another opportunity to upgrade next time, but on this night, go ahead and get your dick wet. As a man who has lost count of how many times I skipped over the sure-thing and got nothing, trust me when I say that the other girl won’t put out. You’ll get a number at most. This partially goes against my philosophy that you should pick the girl and not let her pick you, but when guaranteed sex is at play it’s okay to put that aside.
I like Roosh, but I don't think I agree with this, at least not for myself. I didn't get into the game to fuck the sure thing. Like I said at the beginning, I want quality women. That's why I'm doing this.

Monday, March 1, 2010

The Attitude of the Closer

A few months back, a thread got started on the online forum for the local lair about the importance of having the attitude of a "closer". You have to want to close the deal. This is why we go out - to meet girls, get to know them, and then fuck them.

I'll give you an example of why this is so important.

A few weeks ago, I went to this charity event in the University District. A friend of mine was involved with this group, and I thought the cause was great, so I showed up to buy a few drinks and do what I could to help out. I knew there would be a fair number of people there, but it was a Monday night and I didn't really expect much in the way of opportunities to Game. I mingled. I talked with some people I knew and met a few new ones. There were a few girls there and I did talk kind of briefly with this cute college girl, and even managed to throw out a couple of DHV stories from my time in the military. I didn't sense a whole lot of attraction from her, which was fine. I could tell she was really young, and as interested as I may be in fucking girls that age, they can be pretty hard to relate to. So after about 8 minutes, it just kind of fizzled out, which, again, was just fine. 

But then, as I was leaving, she stopped me. She said "oh, are you leaving now?", or something to that effect. So I stopped and talked to her for a little while longer, seeded a date, and got her number.

Tried her several days later and no response. Tried her a week or so after that and still no response. Tried again a week or so ago and still no response.

I can look back at this interaction and point to a number of things I did wrong. I really didn't qualify her enough. I didn't escalate, at least not much beyond social touching. I didn't ping for compliance. I didn't move her. The interaction was actually more similar to day game than night game.

But, the biggest mistake I made was not putting in the effort to "close the deal". In fact, I was so stunned that this girl was giving me IOI's (and then actually getting her number), that I basically just gave up early in the interaction to "preserve the win".

The lesson learned is this: that girl that was attracted to you that night, in that particular situation, could very well have second thoughts the next day. If she's a hot girl, she more than likely has other guys calling and texting her. Some of those guys, quite frankly, may be better options than you. More importantly, even if she isn't juggling a ton of other dudes, it's highly likely she won't remember what it was about you that she was so attracted to that night that she gave you her number.

Which is why it's so important to push the interaction as far as possible and get that shit done. You still may not fuck her that night. In fact, the chances of you fucking her that night are probably still pretty slim. But, if you push the interaction as far as it can go, you leave more of an emotional footprint on her, and that's going to give you a better chance of actually getting her to go out with you and, ideally, the two of you having some sexy time together.