FeministX has an interesting, somewhat whiny post up right now about her issues with two guys, one she's seeing and one she just met online. I don't want to go into too much detail here, but her issue with the online guy is that he is supposedly an "extreme Alpha", which she is incapable of resisting. A number of thoughts are going through my head at this - at the idea that she is so attracted that she literally can't trust herself to act rationally. For instance, I'm wondering what it is this guy wrote or said that got her going to this extent. I'm also wondering, if we assume that most women are attracted to male dominance to some extent, what percent of them are truly like her, complete putty in the hands of an Alpha? 1 in 10? 1 in 5?
But, more importantly, it's really hitting home to me that I need to ramp up the male dominance aspect of my personality - I need to become much more indifferent and less caring of what other people think - maybe a bit more assholeish. This is a problem for me because I'm very much a nice guy. To the extent that I have any game at all, what I tend to play up is that I am mature and socially normal. I'm also very high IQ. I've never been tested (that I know about), but I know I'm smart.
These are attractive qualities. Emotional maturity is very masculine - very much on the male side of the male/female polarity spectrum. Smart is attractive as well - women like guys that are smarter than them. These things come out in conversation and I think they are enough to keep me from disqualifying myself, but not enough to really generate attraction. I suspect dominance is the missing ingredient - dominance and fun.
I've said before, here and elsewhere, that I don't feel like I'm a very fun person. In some ways, it's almost like I don't know how to have fun. I think my problem with not being assertive, male dominant, etc., is basically the same root issue as not being fun. The root issue, I think, is the social conditioning - that I care too much what people think, which keeps me from cutting loose and just doing what I want when I want.
Is it possible, I wonder, to become more dominant, more selfish and indifferent, and less caring of what other people think, without becoming an out and out asshole? I think that's ultimately what I'm going for. I think you can be indifferent, selfish about your own needs, etc., and still have empathy and care about other people.
5 years ago