The Science of Self Change

I ran across an interesting, very excellent post on RSD Nation on the science of self change.

Here it is:

The Science of Self Change 2.0: The Most Important Thing You'll Ever Read? Maybe.......Depends on if You Use it!

Sinn is an Idiot

I listened in on a teleseminar that Sinn offered last night. He gave some good advice about how to go about getting better at Game, which was great - very good advice. Then, at the end, he pitched his new training program, which he is calling the Platinum Mastermind Group. It's a six month program that consists of two bootcamps, customized curriculum, and a couple of monthly calls - all for the low, low price of $8000.

If you ask me, that's a pretty good chunk of change. But, that's fine. If the program is worth it and will give you the result you want, then okay. What I really object to are some of the high pressure sales techniques he used. For instance, you have to "apply" for the program by midnight next Tuesday I believe. When I heard that, I'm like "are you kidding me?" You're really putting a product out there, pricing it at $8K, and you expect people to make snap decisions about it? Who has that kind of money to just spend at the drop of a hat? If I was making $120K each year, then maybe, but I'm not and neither are most guys that were listening to that call. Also, he emphasized over and over again that he's only "accepting" six guys into the program. Oh yeah? You're telling me that if I fill out a form that says I'll give you $8,000, that you'll find a way to turn that down?

I'm actually fine with companies putting a premium price on some of their offerings. But, when you throw something out there out of the blue, with that kind of price tag, how does that make sense exactly? Also, who treats their potential customers like that?

Another thing, there doesn't seem to be any way to contact Sinn or anyone from his company directly to ask questions. Again, how does this make sense? Who spends $8K without at least asking a few questions first?

I will say this: based on my gut instinct and from what I've heard other people say about him, I am fully willing to believe that Sinn is one of the best teachers/coaches in the game. But, this is a shitty, shitty way to run a business. It just is.

More Anecdotal Evidence That Looks and Appearance Matter

I'll make this short and sweet. 

I went to a pub crawl thing last night for a friend's birthday. Most of these people I don't really know that well. There was one girl there that I met probably 4 years ago, and I've seen her maybe three or four times since then at various gatherings but we've never really had much to say to one another. 

Well, that sure as hell changed last night. We probably talked for an hour. 

My reality is shifting. Time to approach more.

Looks and Appearance Matter

In the last few months, the nature of my interactions with women have changed. I'm being received better. They're more interested. I don't need to work as hard.

This is not a result of me improving my game. If anything, my game has stagnated since back in March when I last posted. What HAS changed, however, is that I am in much better shape than I was back then. The hard work has paid off. Going on nine months of CrossFit training and I've lost between 20-25 pounds and put on a ton of muscle. I look light years better than I did at the beginning of the year. I still have a long way to go, but the results so far are undeniable.

In my opinion, most people would benefit from a rigorous, strenuous exercise program that includes a significant strength training component. For men that want to improve their lot with women, this is even more important. I personally recommend CrossFit, because I've seen how effective it is, but it is far from the only option. However, if you are one of those people (most) that don't truly understand what it means to work out, you should at least consider something like CrossFit.

Night Game Fatigue

I'm getting really tired of trolling the bars and clubs every Friday and Saturday night. It isn't fun. It's really just become something I do because I feel like I need to do it.

This has me thinking about Day Game again. I've gone back and forth on this issue in the last few months, but logically, it seems like Day Game almost has to be the answer for me. I'm just not sure how to get myself started with it. I've tried before, but it never sticks. I'll go out once and that'll be it. Night Game, for what it's worth, is more or less within my comfort zone. I suck at it, but I don't have major issues approaching in that environment. Yes, I still put the pussy on a pedestal, but that pedestal isn't quite as high as it used to be.

But, as I said, wandering aimlessly from one bar to the next just isn't any fun at all. Even though I'm reasonably comfortable in Night Game environments, it just feels like a strange thing to be doing. It feels dysfunctional to be going out like this instead of just going out to have a good time like normal people do. I feel like I should have better options.

So, if I can get myself started with Day Game, maybe that's what my next few posts will be about.

Limiting Beliefs

I'm 99% certain that my own limiting beliefs are what is holding me back in both my personal life and my professional life. Despite everything I've done over the last year to change things up - improv classes, salsa classes, crossfit, learning game and improving my social skills - the enemy is still me. I see him every day in the mirror.

In the last year, I've gone from paying zero attention to fashion and grooming to being legitimately well-dressed and having a good haircut. I'm down 20 pounds from a year ago. I have a whole new circle of friends. In the last year, I've approached a lot of women - certainly more than I ever had in my life before this. I'm still not very successful out there, but I've at least figured out that when I approach a woman, I very often get a positive response. My living situation, while not ideal, is much improved. I have a short commute to work. Despite all of these tangible improvements, I still walk through life unsure of myself. Much like when I was a kid, I rarely feel like I belong anywhere. When I enter a set, it never feels right - I feel like I don't belong. When I'm trying to run a meeting at work, I often feel like an impostor, and it shows. 

Where does this come from?  How do I get rid of it?

The few times in my life where I've truly felt comfortable in where I am and what I'm doing have always been heavily situational. School was always one of those venues. Certain jobs where I really, really knew my shit were some others. Basically, any area where, for whatever reason, I can feel confident in my knowledge and expertise is an area where I'm going to do pretty well. The social arena is never that way. Part of me simply doesn't trust people. The only people I'm truly at ease with are my parents and my sister and some few extended family members. Even with my very best friends, there's always been a part of me that stayed on guard.

I will say this, while all of the above is true, I think I am considerably more confident than I was a year and a half ago. I'm also happier than I was back then. There is no question about either of these. The work I've done on myself has paid off to some extent. I would not want to go back to where I was two years ago, and the person I was three years ago - well, I'm not sure who that guy was. So not all is lost. Progress has been made. But I still have a lot of work to do.

I Have High Standards

I have high standards for what I want in a woman. There's a certain type I'm attracted to. Beautiful, yes, I like beautiful women, but it's more than that. I want charm and style and class. That's what I'm attracted to. I came close to that a couple years ago, but it didn't work out. That's one reason I'm plugging away at this stuff. I want to be with quality women.
The other night I was at this party. It was a pretty big event - couple hundred people. There were a lot of girls there. My friend pointed out one girl to me that he said was down to fuck that night. She was decent looking, but I wasn't really attracted. Should I have pursued this? I don't know. I think that, minimally, I have to find something in the girl that is attractive to me before I can really pursue it. Otherwise, it's just not going to work.

Roosh says here that you should never pass on the sure thing:

8. You will go home empty-handed if you pass on the sure thing.
If one night you have both a sure thing and a “maybe” with another girl, always go for the sure thing. It’s never happened in the history of the world that a man got something after skipping on the sure thing, party because the mere act of skipping on the sure thing for some other girl means you’re overvaluing the better girl. Bad game will leak out as a result.
Don’t worry, they’ll another be another opportunity to upgrade next time, but on this night, go ahead and get your dick wet. As a man who has lost count of how many times I skipped over the sure-thing and got nothing, trust me when I say that the other girl won’t put out. You’ll get a number at most. This partially goes against my philosophy that you should pick the girl and not let her pick you, but when guaranteed sex is at play it’s okay to put that aside.

I like Roosh, but I don't think I agree with this, at least not for myself. I didn't get into the game to fuck the sure thing. Like I said at the beginning, I want quality women. That's why I'm doing this.