- High Status
- Not a wuss
- Makes good money
- Drives a nice car
- Intelligent
- Good conversationalist
- Sense of humor
- In shape
- Groomed
- Dresses well
- Nice living space
- Interesting or adventurous lifestyle
Posts
14 years ago
Friday, November 26, 2010
Definition Of An Attractive Man
Definition of an attractive man:
Thursday, October 21, 2010
The Science of Self Change
I ran across an interesting, very excellent post on RSD Nation on the science of self change.
Here it is:
The Science of Self Change 2.0: The Most Important Thing You'll Ever Read? Maybe.......Depends on if You Use it!
Here it is:
The Science of Self Change 2.0: The Most Important Thing You'll Ever Read? Maybe.......Depends on if You Use it!
Friday, October 15, 2010
Sinn is an Idiot
I listened in on a teleseminar that Sinn offered last night. He gave some good advice about how to go about getting better at Game, which was great - very good advice. Then, at the end, he pitched his new training program, which he is calling the Platinum Mastermind Group. It's a six month program that consists of two bootcamps, customized curriculum, and a couple of monthly calls - all for the low, low price of $8000.
If you ask me, that's a pretty good chunk of change. But, that's fine. If the program is worth it and will give you the result you want, then okay. What I really object to are some of the high pressure sales techniques he used. For instance, you have to "apply" for the program by midnight next Tuesday I believe. When I heard that, I'm like "are you kidding me?" You're really putting a product out there, pricing it at $8K, and you expect people to make snap decisions about it? Who has that kind of money to just spend at the drop of a hat? If I was making $120K each year, then maybe, but I'm not and neither are most guys that were listening to that call. Also, he emphasized over and over again that he's only "accepting" six guys into the program. Oh yeah? You're telling me that if I fill out a form that says I'll give you $8,000, that you'll find a way to turn that down?
I'm actually fine with companies putting a premium price on some of their offerings. But, when you throw something out there out of the blue, with that kind of price tag, how does that make sense exactly? Also, who treats their potential customers like that?
Another thing, there doesn't seem to be any way to contact Sinn or anyone from his company directly to ask questions. Again, how does this make sense? Who spends $8K without at least asking a few questions first?
I will say this: based on my gut instinct and from what I've heard other people say about him, I am fully willing to believe that Sinn is one of the best teachers/coaches in the game. But, this is a shitty, shitty way to run a business. It just is.
If you ask me, that's a pretty good chunk of change. But, that's fine. If the program is worth it and will give you the result you want, then okay. What I really object to are some of the high pressure sales techniques he used. For instance, you have to "apply" for the program by midnight next Tuesday I believe. When I heard that, I'm like "are you kidding me?" You're really putting a product out there, pricing it at $8K, and you expect people to make snap decisions about it? Who has that kind of money to just spend at the drop of a hat? If I was making $120K each year, then maybe, but I'm not and neither are most guys that were listening to that call. Also, he emphasized over and over again that he's only "accepting" six guys into the program. Oh yeah? You're telling me that if I fill out a form that says I'll give you $8,000, that you'll find a way to turn that down?
I'm actually fine with companies putting a premium price on some of their offerings. But, when you throw something out there out of the blue, with that kind of price tag, how does that make sense exactly? Also, who treats their potential customers like that?
Another thing, there doesn't seem to be any way to contact Sinn or anyone from his company directly to ask questions. Again, how does this make sense? Who spends $8K without at least asking a few questions first?
I will say this: based on my gut instinct and from what I've heard other people say about him, I am fully willing to believe that Sinn is one of the best teachers/coaches in the game. But, this is a shitty, shitty way to run a business. It just is.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
More Anecdotal Evidence That Looks and Appearance Matter
I'll make this short and sweet.
I went to a pub crawl thing last night for a friend's birthday. Most of these people I don't really know that well. There was one girl there that I met probably 4 years ago, and I've seen her maybe three or four times since then at various gatherings but we've never really had much to say to one another.
Well, that sure as hell changed last night. We probably talked for an hour.
My reality is shifting. Time to approach more.
I went to a pub crawl thing last night for a friend's birthday. Most of these people I don't really know that well. There was one girl there that I met probably 4 years ago, and I've seen her maybe three or four times since then at various gatherings but we've never really had much to say to one another.
Well, that sure as hell changed last night. We probably talked for an hour.
My reality is shifting. Time to approach more.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Looks and Appearance Matter
In the last few months, the nature of my interactions with women have changed. I'm being received better. They're more interested. I don't need to work as hard.
This is not a result of me improving my game. If anything, my game has stagnated since back in March when I last posted. What HAS changed, however, is that I am in much better shape than I was back then. The hard work has paid off. Going on nine months of CrossFit training and I've lost between 20-25 pounds and put on a ton of muscle. I look light years better than I did at the beginning of the year. I still have a long way to go, but the results so far are undeniable.
In my opinion, most people would benefit from a rigorous, strenuous exercise program that includes a significant strength training component. For men that want to improve their lot with women, this is even more important. I personally recommend CrossFit, because I've seen how effective it is, but it is far from the only option. However, if you are one of those people (most) that don't truly understand what it means to work out, you should at least consider something like CrossFit.
This is not a result of me improving my game. If anything, my game has stagnated since back in March when I last posted. What HAS changed, however, is that I am in much better shape than I was back then. The hard work has paid off. Going on nine months of CrossFit training and I've lost between 20-25 pounds and put on a ton of muscle. I look light years better than I did at the beginning of the year. I still have a long way to go, but the results so far are undeniable.
In my opinion, most people would benefit from a rigorous, strenuous exercise program that includes a significant strength training component. For men that want to improve their lot with women, this is even more important. I personally recommend CrossFit, because I've seen how effective it is, but it is far from the only option. However, if you are one of those people (most) that don't truly understand what it means to work out, you should at least consider something like CrossFit.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Night Game Fatigue
I'm getting really tired of trolling the bars and clubs every Friday and Saturday night. It isn't fun. It's really just become something I do because I feel like I need to do it.
This has me thinking about Day Game again. I've gone back and forth on this issue in the last few months, but logically, it seems like Day Game almost has to be the answer for me. I'm just not sure how to get myself started with it. I've tried before, but it never sticks. I'll go out once and that'll be it. Night Game, for what it's worth, is more or less within my comfort zone. I suck at it, but I don't have major issues approaching in that environment. Yes, I still put the pussy on a pedestal, but that pedestal isn't quite as high as it used to be.
But, as I said, wandering aimlessly from one bar to the next just isn't any fun at all. Even though I'm reasonably comfortable in Night Game environments, it just feels like a strange thing to be doing. It feels dysfunctional to be going out like this instead of just going out to have a good time like normal people do. I feel like I should have better options.
So, if I can get myself started with Day Game, maybe that's what my next few posts will be about.
This has me thinking about Day Game again. I've gone back and forth on this issue in the last few months, but logically, it seems like Day Game almost has to be the answer for me. I'm just not sure how to get myself started with it. I've tried before, but it never sticks. I'll go out once and that'll be it. Night Game, for what it's worth, is more or less within my comfort zone. I suck at it, but I don't have major issues approaching in that environment. Yes, I still put the pussy on a pedestal, but that pedestal isn't quite as high as it used to be.
But, as I said, wandering aimlessly from one bar to the next just isn't any fun at all. Even though I'm reasonably comfortable in Night Game environments, it just feels like a strange thing to be doing. It feels dysfunctional to be going out like this instead of just going out to have a good time like normal people do. I feel like I should have better options.
So, if I can get myself started with Day Game, maybe that's what my next few posts will be about.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Limiting Beliefs
I'm 99% certain that my own limiting beliefs are what is holding me back in both my personal life and my professional life. Despite everything I've done over the last year to change things up - improv classes, salsa classes, crossfit, learning game and improving my social skills - the enemy is still me. I see him every day in the mirror.
In the last year, I've gone from paying zero attention to fashion and grooming to being legitimately well-dressed and having a good haircut. I'm down 20 pounds from a year ago. I have a whole new circle of friends. In the last year, I've approached a lot of women - certainly more than I ever had in my life before this. I'm still not very successful out there, but I've at least figured out that when I approach a woman, I very often get a positive response. My living situation, while not ideal, is much improved. I have a short commute to work. Despite all of these tangible improvements, I still walk through life unsure of myself. Much like when I was a kid, I rarely feel like I belong anywhere. When I enter a set, it never feels right - I feel like I don't belong. When I'm trying to run a meeting at work, I often feel like an impostor, and it shows.
Where does this come from? How do I get rid of it?
The few times in my life where I've truly felt comfortable in where I am and what I'm doing have always been heavily situational. School was always one of those venues. Certain jobs where I really, really knew my shit were some others. Basically, any area where, for whatever reason, I can feel confident in my knowledge and expertise is an area where I'm going to do pretty well. The social arena is never that way. Part of me simply doesn't trust people. The only people I'm truly at ease with are my parents and my sister and some few extended family members. Even with my very best friends, there's always been a part of me that stayed on guard.
I will say this, while all of the above is true, I think I am considerably more confident than I was a year and a half ago. I'm also happier than I was back then. There is no question about either of these. The work I've done on myself has paid off to some extent. I would not want to go back to where I was two years ago, and the person I was three years ago - well, I'm not sure who that guy was. So not all is lost. Progress has been made. But I still have a lot of work to do.
In the last year, I've gone from paying zero attention to fashion and grooming to being legitimately well-dressed and having a good haircut. I'm down 20 pounds from a year ago. I have a whole new circle of friends. In the last year, I've approached a lot of women - certainly more than I ever had in my life before this. I'm still not very successful out there, but I've at least figured out that when I approach a woman, I very often get a positive response. My living situation, while not ideal, is much improved. I have a short commute to work. Despite all of these tangible improvements, I still walk through life unsure of myself. Much like when I was a kid, I rarely feel like I belong anywhere. When I enter a set, it never feels right - I feel like I don't belong. When I'm trying to run a meeting at work, I often feel like an impostor, and it shows.
Where does this come from? How do I get rid of it?
The few times in my life where I've truly felt comfortable in where I am and what I'm doing have always been heavily situational. School was always one of those venues. Certain jobs where I really, really knew my shit were some others. Basically, any area where, for whatever reason, I can feel confident in my knowledge and expertise is an area where I'm going to do pretty well. The social arena is never that way. Part of me simply doesn't trust people. The only people I'm truly at ease with are my parents and my sister and some few extended family members. Even with my very best friends, there's always been a part of me that stayed on guard.
I will say this, while all of the above is true, I think I am considerably more confident than I was a year and a half ago. I'm also happier than I was back then. There is no question about either of these. The work I've done on myself has paid off to some extent. I would not want to go back to where I was two years ago, and the person I was three years ago - well, I'm not sure who that guy was. So not all is lost. Progress has been made. But I still have a lot of work to do.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
I Have High Standards
I have high standards for what I want in a woman. There's a certain type I'm attracted to. Beautiful, yes, I like beautiful women, but it's more than that. I want charm and style and class. That's what I'm attracted to. I came close to that a couple years ago, but it didn't work out. That's one reason I'm plugging away at this stuff. I want to be with quality women.
The other night I was at this party. It was a pretty big event - couple hundred people. There were a lot of girls there. My friend pointed out one girl to me that he said was down to fuck that night. She was decent looking, but I wasn't really attracted. Should I have pursued this? I don't know. I think that, minimally, I have to find something in the girl that is attractive to me before I can really pursue it. Otherwise, it's just not going to work.
Roosh says here that you should never pass on the sure thing:
The other night I was at this party. It was a pretty big event - couple hundred people. There were a lot of girls there. My friend pointed out one girl to me that he said was down to fuck that night. She was decent looking, but I wasn't really attracted. Should I have pursued this? I don't know. I think that, minimally, I have to find something in the girl that is attractive to me before I can really pursue it. Otherwise, it's just not going to work.
Roosh says here that you should never pass on the sure thing:
8. You will go home empty-handed if you pass on the sure thing.I like Roosh, but I don't think I agree with this, at least not for myself. I didn't get into the game to fuck the sure thing. Like I said at the beginning, I want quality women. That's why I'm doing this.
If one night you have both a sure thing and a “maybe” with another girl, always go for the sure thing. It’s never happened in the history of the world that a man got something after skipping on the sure thing, party because the mere act of skipping on the sure thing for some other girl means you’re overvaluing the better girl. Bad game will leak out as a result.
Don’t worry, they’ll another be another opportunity to upgrade next time, but on this night, go ahead and get your dick wet. As a man who has lost count of how many times I skipped over the sure-thing and got nothing, trust me when I say that the other girl won’t put out. You’ll get a number at most. This partially goes against my philosophy that you should pick the girl and not let her pick you, but when guaranteed sex is at play it’s okay to put that aside.
Monday, March 1, 2010
The Attitude of the Closer
A few months back, a thread got started on the online forum for the local lair about the importance of having the attitude of a "closer". You have to want to close the deal. This is why we go out - to meet girls, get to know them, and then fuck them.
I'll give you an example of why this is so important.
A few weeks ago, I went to this charity event in the University District. A friend of mine was involved with this group, and I thought the cause was great, so I showed up to buy a few drinks and do what I could to help out. I knew there would be a fair number of people there, but it was a Monday night and I didn't really expect much in the way of opportunities to Game. I mingled. I talked with some people I knew and met a few new ones. There were a few girls there and I did talk kind of briefly with this cute college girl, and even managed to throw out a couple of DHV stories from my time in the military. I didn't sense a whole lot of attraction from her, which was fine. I could tell she was really young, and as interested as I may be in fucking girls that age, they can be pretty hard to relate to. So after about 8 minutes, it just kind of fizzled out, which, again, was just fine.
But then, as I was leaving, she stopped me. She said "oh, are you leaving now?", or something to that effect. So I stopped and talked to her for a little while longer, seeded a date, and got her number.
Tried her several days later and no response. Tried her a week or so after that and still no response. Tried again a week or so ago and still no response.
I can look back at this interaction and point to a number of things I did wrong. I really didn't qualify her enough. I didn't escalate, at least not much beyond social touching. I didn't ping for compliance. I didn't move her. The interaction was actually more similar to day game than night game.
But, the biggest mistake I made was not putting in the effort to "close the deal". In fact, I was so stunned that this girl was giving me IOI's (and then actually getting her number), that I basically just gave up early in the interaction to "preserve the win".
The lesson learned is this: that girl that was attracted to you that night, in that particular situation, could very well have second thoughts the next day. If she's a hot girl, she more than likely has other guys calling and texting her. Some of those guys, quite frankly, may be better options than you. More importantly, even if she isn't juggling a ton of other dudes, it's highly likely she won't remember what it was about you that she was so attracted to that night that she gave you her number.
Which is why it's so important to push the interaction as far as possible and get that shit done. You still may not fuck her that night. In fact, the chances of you fucking her that night are probably still pretty slim. But, if you push the interaction as far as it can go, you leave more of an emotional footprint on her, and that's going to give you a better chance of actually getting her to go out with you and, ideally, the two of you having some sexy time together.
I'll give you an example of why this is so important.
A few weeks ago, I went to this charity event in the University District. A friend of mine was involved with this group, and I thought the cause was great, so I showed up to buy a few drinks and do what I could to help out. I knew there would be a fair number of people there, but it was a Monday night and I didn't really expect much in the way of opportunities to Game. I mingled. I talked with some people I knew and met a few new ones. There were a few girls there and I did talk kind of briefly with this cute college girl, and even managed to throw out a couple of DHV stories from my time in the military. I didn't sense a whole lot of attraction from her, which was fine. I could tell she was really young, and as interested as I may be in fucking girls that age, they can be pretty hard to relate to. So after about 8 minutes, it just kind of fizzled out, which, again, was just fine.
But then, as I was leaving, she stopped me. She said "oh, are you leaving now?", or something to that effect. So I stopped and talked to her for a little while longer, seeded a date, and got her number.
Tried her several days later and no response. Tried her a week or so after that and still no response. Tried again a week or so ago and still no response.
I can look back at this interaction and point to a number of things I did wrong. I really didn't qualify her enough. I didn't escalate, at least not much beyond social touching. I didn't ping for compliance. I didn't move her. The interaction was actually more similar to day game than night game.
But, the biggest mistake I made was not putting in the effort to "close the deal". In fact, I was so stunned that this girl was giving me IOI's (and then actually getting her number), that I basically just gave up early in the interaction to "preserve the win".
The lesson learned is this: that girl that was attracted to you that night, in that particular situation, could very well have second thoughts the next day. If she's a hot girl, she more than likely has other guys calling and texting her. Some of those guys, quite frankly, may be better options than you. More importantly, even if she isn't juggling a ton of other dudes, it's highly likely she won't remember what it was about you that she was so attracted to that night that she gave you her number.
Which is why it's so important to push the interaction as far as possible and get that shit done. You still may not fuck her that night. In fact, the chances of you fucking her that night are probably still pretty slim. But, if you push the interaction as far as it can go, you leave more of an emotional footprint on her, and that's going to give you a better chance of actually getting her to go out with you and, ideally, the two of you having some sexy time together.
Monday, February 15, 2010
What I'm Listening To
The top ten on my workout playlist:
I just came into a bunch of Eminem stuff courtesy of my roommate and his 150 GB music collection. Never listened to him too much before but he's starting to grow on me.
- Feel It (feat. Tiesto) [with Sean Kingston & Flo Rida) - Three 6 Mafia
- Never Enough (Feat. 50 cent & Nate Dogg) - Eminem
- Nothin' On You (featuring Bruno Mars) - B.o.B.
- Business - Eminem
- Written On Her - Birdman, Jay Sean, Flo Rida, & MackMaine
- 'Till I Collapse - Eminem
- Say Aah (feat. Fabolous) - Trey Songz
- Troublemaker - Akon & Sweet Rush
- Keep You Much Longer - Akon
- I Made It (Cash Money Heroes) [feat. Birdman, Jay Sean, & Lil Wayne) - Kevin Rudolph
I just came into a bunch of Eminem stuff courtesy of my roommate and his 150 GB music collection. Never listened to him too much before but he's starting to grow on me.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
CrossFit Controversy
Yesterday, an anonymous human left a pretty awesome comment on my last CrossFit Update post.
Personally, I like CrossFit because the concept of functional fitness just really appeals to me. It makes sense. However, as I learn more and more about it, I'm also learning about the controversy. Here is great article I found the other day that I think gives a very evenhanded treatment of CrossFit - both good and bad.
While I realize CrossFit isn't the most effective way to build muscle, my goals are more aligned with overall fitness and weight loss, not bodybuilding or power lifting. I really just want to drop weight and get my body back and not cringe when I see myself naked in the mirror. And it seems to be working. The actual weight loss, as measured on the scale, is still pretty minimal, but when I look in the mirror, I see my gut starting to pull in and I'm seeing and feeling muscles in my shoulders and legs that have simply never been there before. My jeans are getting looser as well and I'm starting to swim in some of my shirts.
One other quick note: last weekend I got my squat up to 175 lbs, and it was fairly easy. My workout that day was actually pretty awesome. I warmed up by rowing 1000m and then I did 100 lunges, 100 squats, 100 pushups, and 100 situps. The squats and lunges were both bodyweight only. Then I moved over to the weights and did squats 5 X 5 at 155 lbs, 1 X 3 at 165 lbs, and 1 X 3 at 175 lbs. I know this isn't huge weight by true weightlifting standards, but I'm pretty pleased with the improvement - about 40 lbs in 8 weeks. My near term goal on the squat is 200 lbs, which I think I'll have handled in the next month or so. For the year, is 300 lbs doable? I think it could be.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Crossfit Update
Just finished week 7 of my crossfit program. I'm going 4 days a week now, plus I'm working out on my own at least one day of the weekend. I need to start running soon.
My whole body feels stronger now and I have way more energy at work and when going out at night.
Last week I found my deadlift max of 225 pounds. I'm not really sure how good or bad that is, but think it's probably in the "okay" range. I'm hoping to have that up to 245 in five or six weeks when it's time to try it again. Is 300 attainable by the end of the year? I don't know enough yet to know the answer to that question.
I haven't found my max squat yet, but I squatted 160 pounds doing multiple reps (5 sets of 3), and it was challenging but reasonably doable. I suspect my one rep max is probably 170 or above. When I started back in early December, I think I was doing sets of 145 pounds, which I think was challenging mostly because I wasn't used to the movement.
On the scale, I'm down 5-7 pounds. This is okay progress, but I'm sure I could do better than that if I committed to an actual diet. Meh. We'll see.
My whole body feels stronger now and I have way more energy at work and when going out at night.
Last week I found my deadlift max of 225 pounds. I'm not really sure how good or bad that is, but think it's probably in the "okay" range. I'm hoping to have that up to 245 in five or six weeks when it's time to try it again. Is 300 attainable by the end of the year? I don't know enough yet to know the answer to that question.
I haven't found my max squat yet, but I squatted 160 pounds doing multiple reps (5 sets of 3), and it was challenging but reasonably doable. I suspect my one rep max is probably 170 or above. When I started back in early December, I think I was doing sets of 145 pounds, which I think was challenging mostly because I wasn't used to the movement.
On the scale, I'm down 5-7 pounds. This is okay progress, but I'm sure I could do better than that if I committed to an actual diet. Meh. We'll see.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Approaching Direct
Interesting night last night. We went to a venue in Seattle's Belltown district that's pretty popular and I swear there were at least 20 local community guys there that I either knew personally or through others. Every time you turned around another one of those guys was there.
Of course, I could have just left and gone to a different bar. :)
But, what I really want to write about is a direct approach I made last night. To go ahead and give away the ending, no I didn't take her home for glory times, nor did I get her number. In fact, I can't even remember exactly what I said. I think I basically approached, touched her immediately, TOLD her she had to tell me her name and that there was something about her that was really attracting me. Then I went into qualification and got her to talk about herself. She was a Kindergarten teacher, which is super attractive right there.
What was encouraging about this approach was that I could tell right away that I was generating attraction. I went for the number fairly quickly and (surprise) was rejected! She did take my number, explaining that she just doesn't give out her number to guys. Also, she lives on the other side of the state, in Spokane, so I'm sure that had something to do with it. I really, really doubt she'll call. I give it about a 5% chance.
Regardless of the outcome, what was encouraging about this was the attraction I got back during the interaction. I did try this once before, last spring, and it worked really well that time as well, but I guess I just kind of forgot. I have to start doing this more. This is going to be key for me, especially in this type of venue where it's super loud, with tons of distractions, and where normal conversation is pretty close to impossible. Yes, there will be a certain numbers game aspect to this, but that's fine.
Of course, I could have just left and gone to a different bar. :)
But, what I really want to write about is a direct approach I made last night. To go ahead and give away the ending, no I didn't take her home for glory times, nor did I get her number. In fact, I can't even remember exactly what I said. I think I basically approached, touched her immediately, TOLD her she had to tell me her name and that there was something about her that was really attracting me. Then I went into qualification and got her to talk about herself. She was a Kindergarten teacher, which is super attractive right there.
What was encouraging about this approach was that I could tell right away that I was generating attraction. I went for the number fairly quickly and (surprise) was rejected! She did take my number, explaining that she just doesn't give out her number to guys. Also, she lives on the other side of the state, in Spokane, so I'm sure that had something to do with it. I really, really doubt she'll call. I give it about a 5% chance.
Regardless of the outcome, what was encouraging about this was the attraction I got back during the interaction. I did try this once before, last spring, and it worked really well that time as well, but I guess I just kind of forgot. I have to start doing this more. This is going to be key for me, especially in this type of venue where it's super loud, with tons of distractions, and where normal conversation is pretty close to impossible. Yes, there will be a certain numbers game aspect to this, but that's fine.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Update on Crossfit
I mentioned in an earlier post here that I was thinking about starting up at a Crossfit gym. Well, I went ahead and made that move about 4 weeks ago and the verdict so far is that it is really, really awesome. It's changing the way I work out completely. Right now, I'm going twice a week and paying the rate they have for that. Then I'm going to my regular gym on other days and using a lot of what I've learned to make my workouts that much more effective.
My plan for the new year is to up my membership to unlimited, which means I can go as many times per week as I like, which for me will be 4-5 days. That's actually a $200/mo commitment, but my feeling right now is that it will be totally worth it. I never worked out like this when I was in the Marine Corps. In fact, the big thing that boot camp did for me back then was it just took off a bunch of weight. Yeah, my overall fitness level was better back then, but youth helps a lot too. If we had worked out like this in boot camp, guys would have been a lot better off. Instead, what happens is guys lose a bunch of weight in boot camp through restricted diet, running, marching all day, and all the other training we do, then gain half or more of it back within a few months. I was at about 160 lbs when I finished boot camp, but for most of the rest of my 4 years, I stayed right around 190. Then I got out and ballooned up to about 215 within a year or so, and onward and upwards from there. My height is 6'1".
One thing I wish is that I could find the time to do a Step Aerobics class once or twice a week, along with the Crossfit. The problem is there just aren't enough hours in the day/week for that. Step really is pretty awesome. As I've said before, I don't know why more guys don't do it. What I might do is dedicate January to doing Crossfit 4-5 days/week and then move back down to twice a week in February and try to get some stepping in. Have to think about that.
My plan for the new year is to up my membership to unlimited, which means I can go as many times per week as I like, which for me will be 4-5 days. That's actually a $200/mo commitment, but my feeling right now is that it will be totally worth it. I never worked out like this when I was in the Marine Corps. In fact, the big thing that boot camp did for me back then was it just took off a bunch of weight. Yeah, my overall fitness level was better back then, but youth helps a lot too. If we had worked out like this in boot camp, guys would have been a lot better off. Instead, what happens is guys lose a bunch of weight in boot camp through restricted diet, running, marching all day, and all the other training we do, then gain half or more of it back within a few months. I was at about 160 lbs when I finished boot camp, but for most of the rest of my 4 years, I stayed right around 190. Then I got out and ballooned up to about 215 within a year or so, and onward and upwards from there. My height is 6'1".
One thing I wish is that I could find the time to do a Step Aerobics class once or twice a week, along with the Crossfit. The problem is there just aren't enough hours in the day/week for that. Step really is pretty awesome. As I've said before, I don't know why more guys don't do it. What I might do is dedicate January to doing Crossfit 4-5 days/week and then move back down to twice a week in February and try to get some stepping in. Have to think about that.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Stuff I want to write more about
I think the time has come to make this blog a little less self-referential and maybe, just maybe, a little bit less of a self-indulgent pity party. I think this will make it more interesting and hopefully draw more readers, thereby leading to actual conversations and dialogue, which will hopefully give me some relevance, which will lead to even more conversations and dialogue, which will bring even more relevance, etc. I think you see where I'm going with this.
In this spirit, here are a couple of closely related subjects I would like to write more about:
Attraction - i.e. what is it that women are really attracted to in a man? Some of my sources for this subject include the work done by Lovesystems and published in their e-book Magic Bullets (which of course is derived from Mystery Method). Lovesystems, of course, used to be called The Mystery Method Corporation, until Mystery left to become part of Venusian Arts. David Deida's Way of the Superior Man is another good source. I will very likely reference some Roissy posts as well. Also, there is a frequent commenter at Roissy that goes by aliasclio. She made some comments the other day that really stuck with me.
Clio has her own blog here.
The Roissy post that she was commenting on is here.
Realistic Dating Strategy - this is a subject I started mulling over a number of months ago. The basic premise here is that when you think about it in terms of long-term outcomes, the Community really doesn't serve the needs of most of the guys that seek it out. There are all sorts of reasons for this, which I plan to go into more detail about, but the bottom line is that most guys simply aren't going to become true Players. By itself, that's fine. In fact, if you talk to most guys, they'll probably tell you that isn't their goal anyway. But, the way the Community is set up, the marketing, hype, and mentality really pushes the idea that this is what the goal is. So, the question I'm trying to answer is this: short of completely dedicating himself for months, or even years, to becoming this great player, a master seducer of women, what is a realistic strategy that would help the average guy improve his social life and his prospects with women? I DO think that learning some Game is an important part of this effort. But, I think there's a lot to be said for spending more time on other stuff. Some guys, for instance, really need to develop their conversational skills. I think that's a big one - having the ability to talk to and truly engage almost anyone.
I'm really, really interested in feedback on these ideas.
In this spirit, here are a couple of closely related subjects I would like to write more about:
Attraction - i.e. what is it that women are really attracted to in a man? Some of my sources for this subject include the work done by Lovesystems and published in their e-book Magic Bullets (which of course is derived from Mystery Method). Lovesystems, of course, used to be called The Mystery Method Corporation, until Mystery left to become part of Venusian Arts. David Deida's Way of the Superior Man is another good source. I will very likely reference some Roissy posts as well. Also, there is a frequent commenter at Roissy that goes by aliasclio. She made some comments the other day that really stuck with me.
Clio has her own blog here.
The Roissy post that she was commenting on is here.
Realistic Dating Strategy - this is a subject I started mulling over a number of months ago. The basic premise here is that when you think about it in terms of long-term outcomes, the Community really doesn't serve the needs of most of the guys that seek it out. There are all sorts of reasons for this, which I plan to go into more detail about, but the bottom line is that most guys simply aren't going to become true Players. By itself, that's fine. In fact, if you talk to most guys, they'll probably tell you that isn't their goal anyway. But, the way the Community is set up, the marketing, hype, and mentality really pushes the idea that this is what the goal is. So, the question I'm trying to answer is this: short of completely dedicating himself for months, or even years, to becoming this great player, a master seducer of women, what is a realistic strategy that would help the average guy improve his social life and his prospects with women? I DO think that learning some Game is an important part of this effort. But, I think there's a lot to be said for spending more time on other stuff. Some guys, for instance, really need to develop their conversational skills. I think that's a big one - having the ability to talk to and truly engage almost anyone.
I'm really, really interested in feedback on these ideas.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Day Game
Went out day gaming today in downtown Seattle. My new wing, S, really seems to think that all I need to do is go direct. He's really firm about that. But right now, doing a direct approach on the street, with no pretext, is still really, really hard. However, I did manage some bookstore approaches and, if I'd been a little more ballsy and aggressive at the right time, I know I could have made them hook. I know, that sounds lame, and it is.
The interesting thing that happened was that I totally entranced a salesgirl without even really trying. She wasn't really hot, but she was fuckable. I would call her a fuckable 5.5. On my scale, a 6 is an above average, cute girl, so 5.5 isn't really that bad.
Anyway, I had made a few approaches already and was just kind of browsing when the salesgirl came up to ask me if I needed any help. We started talking and, as it turned out, she knew nothing about the section of books I was browsing, so I opened up and started telling her about some of the books there, explaining in one case how the ideas brought up by one author were the subject of a book by a different author. I also pointed out a couple of books that would be good gifts, since holidays are just around the corner. Then I got to talking about the publishing industry, the impact of the Kindle on the book business, and how I thought Amazon was starting to act kind of evil and monopolistic, especially with regards to the newspaper industry. This, of course, led to my thoughts on the problems the newspaper industry is having with declining ad revenue and what the implications of that are for the news media in general. It's amazing what happens when you have a pretext for talking about stuff you know a lot about.
To be fair, she could have just been listening to me to be polite. But, my gut instinct is that wasn't what was happening, mostly because of the way she was staring at me. Also, right at the end, her boyfriend/husband came in the store and motioned for her to come (he was obviously there to pick her up) and it was like he woke her up from a trance. She was kind of startled and said something like "oh gosh, I guess I need to go clock out." She literally sounded stunned.
So, from a game perspective, what seems to have happened here is that I generated very strong attraction by massively DHV'ing myself and hitting a number of attraction switches. I went into her world (the book industry) and showed that I know a lot about it, probably more than most of her peers and supervisors. That's a DHV right there. Then I started telling her about some of the books in that section, which is more DHV but also displays dominance (teacher/student). Then I started picking up different, related threads, demonstrating intelligence and knowledge. I was also well-dressed,groomed, etc.
Now, assuming that I wanted to turn this interaction into a number, what I needed to do was qualify her and give her a reason to believe that there were some things about her (other than her vagina) that I found attractive. In other words, after massively DHV'ing myself, I had to find a way to bring her up closer to my level.
So, the first lesson learned here is find a pretext, any pretext, to start blabbing about shit I know a lot about.
The second lesson is to qualify, qualify, qualify. Then, when I'm done with that, I need to qualify some more. In fact, the beauty of qualification is that it should help me find some pretext, whatever it is, to start blabbing about stuff I know a lot about.
The interesting thing that happened was that I totally entranced a salesgirl without even really trying. She wasn't really hot, but she was fuckable. I would call her a fuckable 5.5. On my scale, a 6 is an above average, cute girl, so 5.5 isn't really that bad.
Anyway, I had made a few approaches already and was just kind of browsing when the salesgirl came up to ask me if I needed any help. We started talking and, as it turned out, she knew nothing about the section of books I was browsing, so I opened up and started telling her about some of the books there, explaining in one case how the ideas brought up by one author were the subject of a book by a different author. I also pointed out a couple of books that would be good gifts, since holidays are just around the corner. Then I got to talking about the publishing industry, the impact of the Kindle on the book business, and how I thought Amazon was starting to act kind of evil and monopolistic, especially with regards to the newspaper industry. This, of course, led to my thoughts on the problems the newspaper industry is having with declining ad revenue and what the implications of that are for the news media in general. It's amazing what happens when you have a pretext for talking about stuff you know a lot about.
To be fair, she could have just been listening to me to be polite. But, my gut instinct is that wasn't what was happening, mostly because of the way she was staring at me. Also, right at the end, her boyfriend/husband came in the store and motioned for her to come (he was obviously there to pick her up) and it was like he woke her up from a trance. She was kind of startled and said something like "oh gosh, I guess I need to go clock out." She literally sounded stunned.
So, from a game perspective, what seems to have happened here is that I generated very strong attraction by massively DHV'ing myself and hitting a number of attraction switches. I went into her world (the book industry) and showed that I know a lot about it, probably more than most of her peers and supervisors. That's a DHV right there. Then I started telling her about some of the books in that section, which is more DHV but also displays dominance (teacher/student). Then I started picking up different, related threads, demonstrating intelligence and knowledge. I was also well-dressed,groomed, etc.
Now, assuming that I wanted to turn this interaction into a number, what I needed to do was qualify her and give her a reason to believe that there were some things about her (other than her vagina) that I found attractive. In other words, after massively DHV'ing myself, I had to find a way to bring her up closer to my level.
So, the first lesson learned here is find a pretext, any pretext, to start blabbing about shit I know a lot about.
The second lesson is to qualify, qualify, qualify. Then, when I'm done with that, I need to qualify some more. In fact, the beauty of qualification is that it should help me find some pretext, whatever it is, to start blabbing about stuff I know a lot about.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Speed Dating Sucks
I went to this speed dating charity fundraiser last night. I've done speed dating a couple of times before, mostly because I was curious about it. This time I went because a friend of mine was organizing it and he was short of guys.
Anyway, it sucked. That's what I'm getting to here. It would have been better if I could have lied about my age, but that wasn't in the cards since my friend obviously knows how old I am. Since I got stuck in the older group, some of the women I talked to were really, really older than me - I'm talking women that looked like they were in their mid-50's. Keep in mind that I am a very young looking 39. My dating strategy is go younger, not older. And it wasn't just that they were old, but some of these women were just absolutely hideous warpigs. In fact, even in the younger group I didn't see many women that were very good looking - maybe a handful.
Next time he does this, if he wants me to go, I am going to insist that he at least put me in the younger group.
Anyway, it sucked. That's what I'm getting to here. It would have been better if I could have lied about my age, but that wasn't in the cards since my friend obviously knows how old I am. Since I got stuck in the older group, some of the women I talked to were really, really older than me - I'm talking women that looked like they were in their mid-50's. Keep in mind that I am a very young looking 39. My dating strategy is go younger, not older. And it wasn't just that they were old, but some of these women were just absolutely hideous warpigs. In fact, even in the younger group I didn't see many women that were very good looking - maybe a handful.
Next time he does this, if he wants me to go, I am going to insist that he at least put me in the younger group.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Weekend In Review
I changed things up a bit this week. Went out on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday with my regular wing, M, and a new guy in town, S, that is probably more advanced than most guys in Seattle right now. On Saturday, a couple other new guys joined us that I have a pretty good feeling about. I really hope that this group of guys can turn into a solid group that goes out together regularly. The new guys are REALLY inexperienced, but at the same time they seem pretty serious. But even if the new guys don't work out, it looks like S will, which is awesome.
Towards the end of the night on Thursday, I talked with M and S wrt my frustrations about how useless it is to go out with the big group from the previous week. My basic point was that nobody is really improving in that sort of situation, partly because the group is just too damn big, but also because, like I said before, it's the blind leading the blind - none of those guys are going out with any kind of a plan. So, we agreed to start meeting earlier in the night and to start reviewing our plan before we head out.
Incidentally, I've started calling that big group of guys the super squad, which I think is hilarious. On the forum, I didn't even have to explain it. Everyone knew immediately who I was talking about. Last night, I even turned it into an opener, asking a couple groups in Amber, "hey, have you guys seen the super squad?" Of course, they didn't have any idea who or what I was talking about, but I amused myself, which was sort of the point.
Towards the end of the night on Thursday, I talked with M and S wrt my frustrations about how useless it is to go out with the big group from the previous week. My basic point was that nobody is really improving in that sort of situation, partly because the group is just too damn big, but also because, like I said before, it's the blind leading the blind - none of those guys are going out with any kind of a plan. So, we agreed to start meeting earlier in the night and to start reviewing our plan before we head out.
Incidentally, I've started calling that big group of guys the super squad, which I think is hilarious. On the forum, I didn't even have to explain it. Everyone knew immediately who I was talking about. Last night, I even turned it into an opener, asking a couple groups in Amber, "hey, have you guys seen the super squad?" Of course, they didn't have any idea who or what I was talking about, but I amused myself, which was sort of the point.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
The blind leading the blind
Went out last Saturday with some of the local community guys. It's becoming more and more clear to me that this sort of an outing is simply an exercise in the blind leading the blind. None of these guys really have any clue what they're doing. They don't know what they want to open with, how to transition, how to build attraction, establish comfort, etc. I don't think any of them really understand how to escalate. I believe I mentioned in a previous post that there are just a handful of guys connected to the Seattle Lair that have any real game. Yeah, none of those guys were out with us on Saturday.
Seriously, what exactly is the point of a bunch of dudes with sub-par social skills all going out together?
Which isn't to say that I'm any better, because I'm not. But, it's clear to me that I'm not going to get any better just going out with these guys and hanging out. This is reinforcing to me my conviction that I need to do an RSD bootcamp, and the sooner I can get that done the better off I'll be.
In the meantime, I can work on tightening up my game. When I first started this stuff last spring, I was going out with a plan. I knew what I wanted to open and transition with and I had some ideas at least about building attraction. But then that shit all got lost somewhere in the following few months. This doesn't mean I want to become robo-pua, spitting out attraction routines like some kind of social robot, but I do want to make sure I'm going out at night with a basic idea of how to open, transition, build attraction, etc. so that I can start building up some positive reference experiences.
Seriously, what exactly is the point of a bunch of dudes with sub-par social skills all going out together?
Which isn't to say that I'm any better, because I'm not. But, it's clear to me that I'm not going to get any better just going out with these guys and hanging out. This is reinforcing to me my conviction that I need to do an RSD bootcamp, and the sooner I can get that done the better off I'll be.
In the meantime, I can work on tightening up my game. When I first started this stuff last spring, I was going out with a plan. I knew what I wanted to open and transition with and I had some ideas at least about building attraction. But then that shit all got lost somewhere in the following few months. This doesn't mean I want to become robo-pua, spitting out attraction routines like some kind of social robot, but I do want to make sure I'm going out at night with a basic idea of how to open, transition, build attraction, etc. so that I can start building up some positive reference experiences.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Two Questions About Calling Chicks
Question #1 - I got this girl's phone number a few months ago and never called. I did text her once, but I got discouraged when she didn't respond. So I didn't call. Since then, I've learned that this is extremely common, especially with the more social type of female that has lots going on, which is exactly what this girl is. I know this because I have since found out that we have some mutual acquaintances and because I'm a crazy online stalker. The good part about knowing some people in common is that I'm more likely to run into her again.
So, the question is this, am I better off calling her cold, after several months, or should I wait for a more opportune time to "casually" run into her via our common social connections? I'm leaning towards giving her a call. I really, really regret not pursuing this girl harder.
Question #2 - Is it better to leave a voice mail or not? I've heard all kinds of conflicting advice on this. I'm mostly referring to situations where you've gotten the number (via a cold approach or whatever) but you still don't know her very well.
So, the question is this, am I better off calling her cold, after several months, or should I wait for a more opportune time to "casually" run into her via our common social connections? I'm leaning towards giving her a call. I really, really regret not pursuing this girl harder.
Question #2 - Is it better to leave a voice mail or not? I've heard all kinds of conflicting advice on this. I'm mostly referring to situations where you've gotten the number (via a cold approach or whatever) but you still don't know her very well.
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